


I Dare You to Love Me

by photographer_of_thoughts



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crushes, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Future, Future Fic, Inspired by Imagine Me & You (2005), Love at First Sight, M/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-11-30 15:16:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11466252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/photographer_of_thoughts/pseuds/photographer_of_thoughts
Summary: AU in which Isak and Even do not meet in high school but they do meet at Isak's wedding...to someone else.





	1. Wedding Day

**Author's Note:**

> **This is based on the movie "Imagine Me and You" which is a British film and I am moving to England soon so I have been watching a lot of British movies. If you haven't seen this film, I highly recommend it. 
> 
> **Skam and Imagine Me and You do NOT belong to me. 
> 
> **Note: I'm not following the film exactly. I'm putting my own twist on it. But there won't be any cheating in this fic, despite what the summary and/or tags suggest. :)

There’s this lovely guy, okay? And he’s done nothing wrong. He’s done nothing to deserve anything bad happening to him.

And we’re getting married today. Today is the day I get to call him my husband and it’s such a happy day.

Really. I promise.

“Isak?”

My father clutches my hand as he stares at me, the car actually stopped now. I hadn’t noticed.

“We’re here.” My mother smiles, holding a bouquet in her hand like she’s a bride again.

“Oh.” I nod, clearing my throat. I automatically reach for my tie, trying to straighten it even more. It doesn’t budge.

“Are you all right? You’re very pale.” My mother comments, narrowing her eyes in concern.

The thing is, I _am_ fine. I woke up this morning happy and excited. I woke up, rolled over and kissed Matt and he’d smiled at me in the blinding morning sunlight.

We were in our apartment. This perfect place we found six months ago. Nice view. A balcony. Cheap. We’d spent two weeks splurging on kitchenware, living room accessories; everything matching like we were staging it for a magazine cover.

And today was my _wedding day._ The happiest day.

“I’m fine.” I smile back, reaching for the car door and gazing out at the church where Matt is waiting. “Let’s go.”

**

Matt has been the most supportive person in my life. We met at Nissen in third year; shared a biology class and then we went to the same university. We’d never really known anyone else and it’d seemed fine.

Matt helped me come out. He helped me get through my mom’s diagnosis and following hospital stays. Matt encouraged me to talk to her again; bring her back into my life.

And I’m a better man today because of him. He’s helped shape me. By loving me, he’s made me better; the best version of myself.

But right now, I’m walking down the aisle toward him, and my attention isn’t on him. I know he’s smiling like a dork because I’m _actually_ walking down the aisle like I’m the bride. But I’d agreed to do it because I thought it would be cute.

I want to be focused on him; this true love of mine. But I’m _shaking;_ trembling in the arms of my parents who are on either side of me. My palms are all sweat.

I don’t understand why. There’s no fucking reason for it at all. It’s _Matt._ He’s been mine for ten years now. I _love_ him.

I spent so much energy on the wedding; the details and centerpieces and colours, who is sitting where and the menu. We’d agonized over the first dance song and if we’d dance with our mothers at the same time. The only thing I let Matt plan all on his own were the flowers.

We have a plan to adopt kids in the next five years and maybe move abroad. We travelled to a lot of places already, but we want to travel more too. See the world. Learn new languages. Just be together in new spaces.

That man _right_ there is my life. My best friend, besides Jonas who is also beaming at me as I’m walking. He loves Matt too. All my friends do as well as family and my parents.

My heart feels like it’s going to give out and I’m breathing hard now, to the point of panting. I have this urge to run right back down the aisle in the opposite direction, hail a cab and go home.

Our home.

_Get it the fuck together, Isak._ Everyone is nervous on their wedding day. It’s completely normal.

I’m almost there. Matt is holding out his hand to me and I know what’s next. We practiced this at the rehearsal. I take his hand and join him in front of the priest. We’ll look at each other and wait to say our vows.

Right before I take Matt’s hand, something catches my eye to my left and I jerk my head in that direction. I realize pretty quickly that what caught my attention was someone moving and as our eyes meet the person stops.

_He_ stops and then he smiles at me; just the hint of a shy grin peeking out on his face. It’s a smile that is quick but says so much. I can’t look away, suddenly stuck; frozen where I’m standing.

I’ve never felt what I feel in the few seconds our eyes meet. And it _is_ only seconds, but it feels insanely longer. Something pulls our eyes together, an invisible force that makes my chest constrict; my breath come impossibly faster.

And yes, the guy is attractive but it’s not that fact that is my focus. It’s his eyes. I’d never thought anyone’s eyes would draw me in the way his are; like they’re magnets.

Something shifts and I kind of forget where I am. I forget what’s happening, what my job is; my purpose. Because suddenly the only purpose I have is to look at this guy, with his brighter than the sky blue eyes, messy long hair and a badly sized jacket on his shoulders.

That’s all my mind will let me do.

And then the seconds end because the guy walks away and Matt clears his throat, still holding out his hand to me.

I take it because I have to. Because this is my wedding day and I love him and we’ve been together forever. I blink furiously, trying to come back to the present; what’s right in front of me.

Matt knows me. This man is what is in front of me and he knows me down to the deepest, darkest parts of my soul. And I know him too. He’s all goodness, bright light and genuine.

I take a deep breath and throw him a smile, muttering ‘I love you’ as the priest begins to speak; inviting our guests and God to love us and witness our union.

I nearly forget my vows because there’s nothing to anchor me but I manage it and Matt looks close to tears and I’m suddenly a married man. I’m someone’s husband.

**

I meet _the guy_ at my reception just after my ring comes off into the giant bowl of punch.

“Hello.” He says, coming up behind me and reaching for my hand. I take it and shake firmly even though my hands haven’t stopped trembling. “Congratulations.”

I chuckle. “Thanks.”

The guy brushes the hair back from his face as he looks around nervously. I can’t help but wonder if he feels whatever this is too.

“We haven’t met yet. I’m Even. I did your flowers.” He says, glancing at a flower display next to the food table.

I actually take in the sight of the flowers at my own wedding – I hadn’t really looked at them until now – and I can’t help but smile. They’re nice. Colourful and comforting. Matt got lilies because he knows I like those, even if Jonas has commented more than once about lilies being funeral-only flowers.

“My flowers are nice.” I choose to say. That seems to make him happy because his hesitant smile widens into an actual grin and he chuckles.

“I’m glad you like them, Isak. I was just going to grab a drink.”

I’m so busy staring at him that I don’t realize he’s trying to get at the punch until it’s almost too late. “Um, wait!” I whisper, dodging in front of the punch; blocking him.

He frowns at me in confusion and I feel like an idiot, but I _need_ to find my fucking ring. It was actually really expensive and I can’t afford another one. And I can’t afford to have anyone accidentally scoop it up and drink it.

“Is everything all right?” Even asks, looking concerned. “I’m here to help.” He offers.

I bite my bottom lip, considering. I don’t really want to admit that I’m a total dumbass and somehow managed to lose my ring _on my wedding day._ But I’ll also probably need help retrieving it.

“It’s my ring.” I blurt out, turning to face the bowl of punch again. “It fell off into this.” I stir the punch bowl with the long ladle inside, seeing all the bits of fruit whirl around in the liquid. If it hadn’t been filled with fruit the ring would be easier to find.

“Your wedding ring?” Even asks, sounding baffled. “Seriously?” He stands beside me and looks into the bowl, shaking his head.

“I swear it was an accident. I’m really clumsy.” I admit, closing my eyes. Matt is going to murder me if I can’t find it. We had them engraved with our initials. He’s always going on about how careless I am with things.

“I guess we can’t empty out the whole bowl.” Even observes.

“No.” I agree.

“Okay, well. There’s only one thing to do then.” Even says, rolling up the sleeve of his jacket. “Distract anyone who tries to get a drink…I’m going in.”

He then reaches into the bowl, up to just past his elbow and begins to feel around for my ring. I laugh at the absurdity of the situation and it’s so unbelievably enduring that this virtual stranger is diving into a punch bowl to find another man’s ring that I can’t help blushing.

“Christ.” I say. “Good luck.”

“Are you underestimating me?” Even quips, raising an eyebrow.

Before I can answer, Jonas comes up to me with his arm around Magnus, pleasantly drunk and red-faced.

“Here’s the happily married man. Isak, my boy, your wedding is awesome!” Jonas practically shouts.

I try to inconspicuously stand in front of Even as he continues his search so Jonas and Magnus can’t see him. I take a second to realize that what Even is doing isn’t exactly sanitary and it’s probably not good if tons of people witness it.

“Glad you’re enjoying it.” I say to Jonas, clapping him on the back.

“Where’s the honeymoon?” Magnus asks.

I sigh. “Nowhere yet. Matt’s been working too much. Can’t take time off right now. We’re lucky he got this weekend off for the wedding.” I explain, this being the tenth time answering this question.

“Aw, that’s shitty.”

I have an answer right on my tongue, but I’m startled into silence by the feel of wet fingers grabbing my left hand and subtly pulling it behind my back. My wedding ring gets slipped on my finger before Even comes around to my side, smiling at my friends.

He’s let go of me, and again the whole thing happened in under ten seconds, but my left hand is practically burning now. I can’t focus on anything but my skin; the traces of punch left by Even’s sopping fingers.

_What the hell._

“Hi.” Even greets them.

“Hey.” Jonas and Magnus say in unison, smiling and looking at me for an introduction. Right. _Words._ I should probably speak now.

“Guys, this is Even. He’s a florist. Even, this is Jonas and Magnus.”

They shake hands, Jonas and Magnus grimacing slightly at the feel of Even’s still-wet hand. But then the conversation moves on to Even’s flower shop in downtown Oslo – _Yellow Curtains -_ and everything is back to normal.

I’m trying to listen. I _really_ am, but I’m way too aware of how close Even is to me. I can feel his body heat through my suit and I know I’m staring at Even’s profile for way too long; wishing our eyes could meet again.

So _yes,_ I am a part of an ordinary conversation here at my wedding ( _holy fuck I’m married)._ But my whole world feels entirely different now and the thought of it makes me ache. A physical ache I can’t help but feel in each pore and I don’t quite know how to go on from here. I don’t know what the cause of it truly is.

But something tells me it has something to do with this man.


	2. Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isak visits 'Yellow Curtains' :)

I’m not sure why I decided to come here. It’s stupid. I don’t know this guy. Not at all.

But I was curious about this flower shop he had. Even had seemed so proud of it as he’d gushed about it at my wedding; going on and on about the different kinds of flowers. It was enough to impress even Jonas and Magnus, who were captivated like Even had been talking about women’s tits.

Even is talking to some dude about what flowers the guy could get for his girlfriend. His “last chance flower” apparently. I’m waiting near the door, kind of hovering, kind of staring at Even because I can’t fucking help it.

He’s all smiles and soft skin and suggestions and I ball my hands into fists. _Can you stop being so fucking cute?_

“I think this will do!” The man exclaims, holding up a cactus that is shaped like a dick. I laugh out loud because I can’t help it.

Even catches my eye and smiles at me before turning back to the customer. “Are you sure that’s the one?”

The man reaches into his pocket for some money and hands it to Even. “Yep. She’s going to love it and then I’ll be able to move back into our apartment.”

_You fucking wish,_ I think.

“Okay then. Have a nice day.” Even says, sounding like he knows for a fact that the man’s plan will fail. Obviously. But the man struts away happily, whistling to himself.

“Hi.” I say, my voice breaking embarrassingly as I move into the store.

Even flashes a smile at me. “Hey, Isak. Nice to see you again.”

“You too.” I reply.

Seeing Even has actually been the highlight of my week and that sounds awful as I think it. But, it’s been a long week at the office and Matt has barely been home and _nothing_ feels different about being married. I thought it would be different. Better? Perhaps.

“So, are you here to get some flowers for your husband?” Even asks, walking around from behind the counter. I notice that he’s wearing a dark green apron and I chuckle, feeling warm.  

“Um, no. I don’t think I’ve ever bought him flowers before.”

“ _What_?” Even exclaims. “You’ve never wooed him with flowers?”

I shake my head. “That’s always seemed kind of…hetero?” I try, talking like Even may not be heterosexual himself. Part of me is praying that he’s gay too, or at least somewhat into guys. Which I shouldn’t give a fuck about because I’m _married,_ but the thought won’t go away.

Even just laughs and then nods like he understands. “I suppose. From my experience though, girls _and_ guys appreciate flowers. It’s the thought that counts, right?”

From his experience? Does that mean he’s experienced relationships with guys and girls? And why the fuck is my chest suddenly fluttering; the skin almost too tight and tingly.

“Sure.” I decide to say. “Maybe you could make me a bouquet that would impress him?”

“Of course. I am the owner after all.” Even winks. _Winks._

My chest gets tighter.

I follow Even around his store as he picks out various flowers, chatting about their meaning and colour. I’m sort of paying attention; mostly looking around at the shop that’s bright and open and smells fantastic. It’s the kind of place Even deserves to be in, I muse to myself, not trapped in an office behind a desk without colour.

And the walls are all yellow which is fitting considering the shop’s name. I wonder fleetingly why he decided to call it ‘Yellow Curtains.’

“What do you think?” He asks, holding up the finished bouquet.

It _is_ nice, and something I would certainly appreciate if given. “It’s amazing.” I whisper, taking it from Even’s hands and admiring it up close. “Thanks.”

“No trouble.” Even says, swallowing thickly. He shifts on his feet, looking like he doesn’t know where to stand or what to say next; holding my gaze.

“Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?” I blurt out, not wanting him to feel awkward anymore. If that’s what he was feeling.

Even looks surprised but pleased. “Um, sure.”

“With me. And…Matt.” I say, sounding weird to myself.

Why did I just say Matt’s name like that? Like I had forgotten him?

Even nods and glances at the bouquet again. “Maybe I’ll bring that by tonight then? As a gift for you two?”

“Oh.” I mumble. “Okay. But let me pay you for it at least.”

“It’s on the house, Isak.” Even shakes his head, grabbing a vase and filling it with water. “I’ll keep them fresh until tonight. What time should I be there?”

I glance at the time and realize I need to get back to work. My lunch is nearly over. “How about 18:00? Matt should be home by then.”

Matt who is my husband and partner and who I share my house with. He’s important so I make sure to say his name because I didn’t forget him. I swear.

“Perfect.” Even smiles, putting his hands in his pockets.

In our silence I can hear the trickling of water in a fountain that’s partially hidden amongst some flowers. Hibiscus, Even had said. It’s calming and soothing and fragrant and I don’t want to leave.

I don’t want to leave _him._

“You okay?” Even asks me, studying my face.

I take too long to answer and I know that’s probably weird. But I can’t make myself say the words right away, the ones that come so naturally when asked if one is all right.

“Yeah. Fine.”

Even looks unsure and I wish I could stopping make everything so _weird._ I shake my head, knowing I need to catch a tram and I reach for the notepad I see on Even’s desk. “This is the address and my number. Text me if you get lost.” I chuckle, handing him the paper.

He smiles, smaller this time, but just as bright. “Okay. See you tonight, Isak.”

I’m halfway out the door before I turn and say, “See you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcome and appreciated! :)


	3. The Dinner

“Hello darling.” Matt calls as soon as he’s home. I hear his footsteps approaching the bathroom where I’m currently putting on deodorant.

“Hey.” I smile as soon as he comes in, turning around for a quick kiss.

He studies my outfit curiously. I made an effort for tonight. My nice shirt and black jeans. I even put cologne on which I hardly ever do.

“Why are you all dressed up?” He asks.

I take a deep breath, hoping Matt will be up for company tonight even though he looks exhausted. “I invited a friend over for dinner.”

Matt nods, loosening his tie and looking unconcerned. “Okay. Jonas? Magnus? I might not join. I have a lot of work to get through still tonight.”

I’m not entirely sure why that makes me even more excited; the prospect of spending a night alone with Even.

Alone while Matt is in the other room working his ass off to support us. Because _we’re married._

Jesus Christ.

“Not Jonas or Magnus. It’s Even. The guy who did our flowers.” I explain, walking out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where I’ve started dinner.

“Huh.” Matt says ineloquently. “That’s sort of…random, Isak. It’s not like he’s someone you know.”

“Well, I thought he was nice and I stopped by his shop earlier today. I think we could all be friends, you know?” I muse conversationally.

“I guess.” Matt sighs, leaning on the counter and staring at me. I know his tone immediately and I feel my heart sink.

“You hate the idea.”

“No, Isak. I was just hoping it would be you and me tonight. For… _you know.”_

I feel him behind me a second later and he wraps his arms around my waist, nuzzling into the back of my neck. I go tense in his arms, unable to help it.

“You said you had to work.” I grumble, not feeling affectionate right now. He’s making me overheat.

“ _I do._ But, I wanted to fool around a little.” Matt says deeply, kissing the spot under my ear that he knows makes my knees weak. “Things have been kind of lacking in that department lately…”

Logically, I know he isn’t saying that to make me feel bad but it does and suddenly I’m overwhelmed with guilt. I’ve turned down sex practically every night since the wedding because I just… _can’t._ It’s too overwhelming. Too much.

Too much of _what_ I have no idea. I’ve never felt this way before around Matt because we’ve always been in sync. I can’t remember a time when we _weren’t_ in sync and it’s disconcerting.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper, placing my head back on his shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks, sounding genuinely worried and it just makes me feel worse.

“Yeah. Fine.”

He kisses my cheek before letting me go entirely. “I’ll change before Even comes over. Give me fifteen minutes to shower.”

“Okay.” I mumble, watching him walk down the hall.

**

Even arrives half an hour later and Matt runs to answer the door since I’m in the middle of pulling the food out of the oven. I’m impressed it turned out so well.

I hear them talking and as they get closer to the kitchen I hear Even’s bright laugh. My hands get kind of clammy.

“Babe, do we have a vase? Even’s brought us flowers.” Matt smiles, holding the bouquet I saw Even put together during my lunch break.

“Um, yeah. Under the sink.” I say, catching Even’s eye and holding it.

“Hello.” He says, grinning; eyes twinkling. God, it fucks me up and I don’t even know _why._

“Hello.”

Matt puts the vase in the middle of the kitchen counter and then claps his hands together. “Lovely. Thanks again, man. I don’t think either of us have ever bought flowers before.”

Even nods in understanding, accepting the beer I bring to him. “I like getting people into flowers. If you guys come to my shop I can give you discounts.”

“Sweet. I mean, who doesn’t love flowers right?” Matt laughs, but it’s forced and awkward and his face is all pinched. That happens when he’s trying too hard.

“The food’s ready.” I blurt out, suddenly feeling uncomfortable and really tired. I haven’t slept well for the past few nights and I can feel it catching up to me.

“Smells awesome.” Even comments, sitting down at the table and tucking a napkin into the collar of his shirt like he’s ten years old.

 _He’s adorable,_ I think. But then I want to slap myself because Matt is way cuter. _Obviously._

**

Ten minutes into dinner and our doorbell rings. I frown at Matt but he shakes his head, just as confused. Nobody else was invited tonight.

Matt jumps up and heads for the door. I look back at Even who is currently chewing a huge bite of food and we both giggle. A warmth spreads through my chest and I can’t feel anything else.

“Look who stopped by.” Matt calls, rounding the corner with his friend Sara who he works with and who we have had dinner with multiple times. She gives us a small, embarrassed wave.

“Sorry. I didn’t know you had company.” She says sheepishly.

“No problem. What brings you round?” I ask.

“I wanted to ask Matt about some details for the account tomorrow. I was in the neighbourhood but I should have called.” Sara explains, glancing at Matt.

“Want some food? There’s plenty.” Matt offers, rushing to the fridge to get her a beer. The brand we have is her favourite, I remember.

“I ate already. But thanks.” Sara smiles, looking at Even now.

“This is Even. He did our flowers at our wedding.” I introduce, glancing between them.

“I know. We met.” Even says, clearing his throat and looking…weird. He looks off.

And now, come to think of it, Sara looks off too. She’s avoiding Even’s eyes and smiling way too much and shifting on her feet. She’s nervous.

“Well, at least have a beer with us Sara since everyone here knows each other. Maybe you’ll feel peckish when you see us eating my hubby’s dinner. It’s delicious by the way, babe.” Matt says, winking at me.

Winking. It looks weird when Matt does it because he never winks at me. He never compliments my food either. He’s never rude about it or implies that my cooking is bad, but he certainly doesn’t make an effort to tell me how much he likes the food.

What the hell is going on anymore? I feel the beginnings of a headache.

Sara takes the beer and gulps down a huge swig of it, sitting down next to Even. She keeps smiling at us all like something amazing just happened. But I’m gathering she is waiting for someone to start the conversation again.

“So, you guys met at the wedding or before?” Matt asks, chomping down on the pasta and looking innocently at Even.

The colour drains from Sara’s face and she looks like she would have preferred any other question.

“Um, before actually.” She squeaks, shifting in her chair and tilting her body away from Even. “Matt, do you think I could have the Lawrence file for tomorrow to review it? I’m having a hell of a time with my computer.”

The change of subject makes Even shake his head ever so slightly, but then he keeps on eating like nothing happened. I try to catch his eye to try and communicate a silent question but he avoids eye contact.

“Sure. How about we just go to my office really quick. Do you mind, babe?” Matt asks me, looking regretful.

“That’s chill.” I say, nodding and giving Sara a smile.

Matt picks up his plate of food and walks in front of Sara, leading her down to his office. It was supposed to be _our_ office but Matt brings his work home with him more than I do so it’s basically just his now.

Even and I eat in silence for another two minutes before he sighs and puts his fork down.

“Sorry if that was weird.” He says, finally looking at me.

“It’s okay.” I reply, not wanting to push or ask questions that would be considered too forward.

“She just…she hasn’t forgiven me yet. I saw her at your wedding and panicked so I kind of avoided her all night.” Even explains, pulling the napkin down from his shirt and reaching for his beer.

My heart sinks a little because this is clearly a romance related thing. They must have been together and I don’t know why that bothers me so much.

“So, you two…?” I start, not really able to finish the question.

“Yeah. Just for a while. We didn’t really click though. I broke it off.”

So he _is_ straight. Of course.

“That sucks.”

Even smiles a bit at that and leans over to whisper, “Not really. It was kind of a disaster if I’m being honest. She was way too clingy.”

I laugh because I feel like he expects me to but I can’t really feel happy about it. I can’t feel happy about anything in this moment and it must show on my face. Even straightens his back and his eyes find mine, not letting me look away.

“What is it?” He asks.

“Nothing. I’m kind of getting a headache, that’s all.” I mumble and that isn’t a lie.

“I don’t mean to imply that Sara is a bad person or anything. We just didn’t…I didn’t feel that _spark,_ you know?” Even continues, looking sad about it.

“I don’t.” I whisper. “I don’t know what you mean.”

He looks confused, startled even as I say the words and then he turns his whole body towards me now; dinner forgotten. “You _must_ have. It’s…the _spark!”_

He motions with his hands like it means something but I still frown in confusion, shaking my head. “The spark?”

“You’re married, though! You and Matt…” Even exclaims, trailing off this time.

It hits me then that he means a romantic spark. _Love at first sight_ and I snort out a laugh because seriously? What kind of delusional world does he live in?

“Please don’t tell me you mean like love at first sight, Romeo and Juliet die-for-each-other, head over heels, eyes popping out of your head kind of thing? Because that shit only exists in films, Even.” I say, and there’s more bite to my words than I had intended. I’m not sure why.

“That’s not true.” He counters, shaking his head. “Love is instant, Isak. You know immediately. As soon as your eyes…”

I cut him off because I suddenly can’t breathe normally and I have to protest, I have to put a stop to this because _seriously._

“Love is knowing someone completely. Love is something that is patient and gradual and…there’s _no way_ you can know you love someone until you spend time with them! A significant amount of time because there’s someone’s quirks and attitudes and stuff to consider. What if you have different political views, or religious views? What then?”

I’m panting now and I’m close to tears and Even is giving me this stunned look that makes me feel bad. I close my eyes against it because it’s _too much._

“I’m sorry, Isak. I didn’t mean…”

“Sorry guys!” Matt hollers, coming back into the kitchen without Sara. She must have gone home, not wanting to see Even again.

Matt sits down and glances between us, obviously catching onto the tension in the room that is making my head throb.

“What did I miss?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcome and appreciated! :)


	4. The Balcony

Somehow, Even ends up sitting on our balcony alone while Matt and I are doing the dishes, awkwardly not speaking to each other. I’m drying and he’s washing and I keep shooting glances at Even, who I can see through the glass, and it’s _raining_ out. He should come inside before he gets sick.

“Just go.” Matt sighs, putting the plate on the dishrack instead of into my hands.

I flinch violently. “Huh?”

“I don’t know what happened between you two, but something is up. Go and fix it.” He practically shoves me in the direction of the balcony, winking.

I gulp down my anxiety and open the sliding glass door, smiling when Even turns to look at me. “Hey.” He says, flicking his cigarette off the edge.

“Litter bug.” I tease, sitting down next to him. “Also, it’s fucking freezing out here. Why are you sitting in the rain?”

Even looks out into the dark sky, holding his hand out to catch some droplets. “I’ve always liked the rain.”

“Sure.” I say doubtfully.

Even smirks at me. “Honestly. I feel better emotionally when it’s raining versus when it’s sunny.”

For some reason that makes a lot of sense. “You’re such a weirdo.”

Even just keeps on smiling. “I know.”

We sit together in silence for what feels like a lifetime. I can’t decide what to say because I wouldn’t know where to start. I don’t understand anything right now. Why Even affects me. Why in the short time I’ve known him my life seems to be entirely different. Why I’m questioning everything about myself.

He’s just a _guy._

“I’m sorry about dinner.” I state, swallowing thickly. “I didn’t mean to go off on you.”

Even frowns at me, confused. “You didn’t go off on me, Isak.”

I scoff. “Yes, I did.”

“I mean, maybe a little.”

“I don’t know _why.”_ I continue, too late to stop myself; censor myself. “I don’t know why I feel this way. But I…do you…ugh.” I give up because I can’t ask Even if he feels it too, this thing in the air between us; charged and buzzing. I don’t know what I’d do if he said no.

“Do I…what?” Even asks, turning towards me now and leaning in. His hands are moving closer to mine and even though it’s cold out, I’m not shaking from that. It’s an entirely different reason.

He grips my hands in his own and he’s warm.

I barely whisper now. “Do you feel it too?”

Our eyes meet and hold, searching and seeing. I don’t know if I find anything, or if Even thinks there is anything to be found in my eyes. But for some reason I can feel something shift; click into place, and I can’t look away.

“Yes.” Even says back, so confidently. My question didn’t even make sense – _none_ of this makes sense – but somehow he understands. Somehow I _believe_ he understands.

“But I…” I feel tears rush into my eyes because now everything has to change. I feel like it’s going to change. “I don’t know you. I don’t know your favourite colour. Or your family. Or what toothpaste you use.”

_I don’t know any of the details, the small things I always thought were important._

Even smiles sadly at me. “Does that really matter?” He squeezes my hands tighter.

 _No,_ I immediately think. No, it doesn’t matter one fucking bit.

We break apart when Matt opens the balcony doors, clicking his tongue as he wraps his arms around himself. “Aren’t you guys freezing?”

Even looks at me for another long moment before he turns to Matt, flashing a smile that I just somehow _know_ is fake. “Yeah. We were just going to come inside.”

**

After coffee, Even leaves. He spent the last hour trying not to look at the spot where Matt had possessively kept a hand on my waist, thumbing the skin under my shirt in such a devastatingly familiar gesture.

But his touch felt like a stranger’s. _How_ is it possible that the man I have known for ten years feels foreign to me, but the man I have known for a week makes me feel like coming home?

It’s so fucking stupid, but I’m sure of it. It’s the brightest thing in my world and I can’t make it stop.

I don’t want Even to go and I can tell he doesn’t want to leave either. But he has to, because I’m married. We aren’t together. We’re not even friends.

“Thanks for dinner.” Even smiles, shaking both Matt and my hands.

My skin tingles when he lets go.

“No problem. Come by any time.” Matt says, again wrapping an arm around me and pulling me into his side.

I squirm a little, but not enough for Matt to notice.

Even does.

“See you later.” I manage, and I’ve never meant anything more. I _will_ see Even later.

As soon as the door closes, Matt lets go of me and walks into the living room. He sits down and puts his head in his hands, sighing. I stand near him but don’t sit beside him, unwilling to feel his touch.

“Isak.” He says.

“Yeah?”

I feel my stomach drop. Somehow, I know he knows. He senses it.

“What’s going on?”

The words are sad and child-like, innocent. I immediately feel the urge to make it better, tell Matt that nothing is going on. Even is just a guy. A stranger. A florist. Nothing to me. I don’t have feelings for him. I only love Matt. My partner. My best friend. My husband.

But I can’t. I can’t lie that viciously.

“Isak?”

I shake my head. “I…”

“Fucking Christ, did you _fuck_ him?” Matt suddenly yells, throwing an accusatory look at me.

“No!” I basically scream. “No, Matt. What the fuck?”

“You have never looked at me the way you just looked at him! All fucking night, Isak. You didn’t stop looking at him.” Matt says, standing again now and facing me.

“Matt…” I try but he cuts me off.

“Don’t you _dare_ deny it, Isak.”

“Nothing happened! I swear, Matt. I hadn’t seen him since the wedding until today.”

I’m desperate for him to believe me. I would never betray him. I have never once thought of sleeping with someone else since we’ve been together. Never. I haven’t even really thought of Even in that way. Not sexually.

Something deeper.

Which might just be the biggest betrayal of all.

“Then what is it about him that has you so fucking enthralled, Isak? Because from where I’m standing it seems like you would much rather be spending time with him rather than me.”

“You told me to go and talk to him!” I accuse, a low blow but I can’t take it back now. “You said I should go and speak to him.”

“Because you wouldn’t stop looking at him!” Matt shouts. “All through dinner and after, when he was sitting on our balcony. I thought maybe I was imagining it, looking too much into it. But then you went out there and he took your hands and I…”

I close my eyes. Of course Matt saw us.

“I’ve never seen you look at me like that.” Matt repeats, looking at the floor.

It’s out there now. Matt saw us, felt whatever it is that’s between us and I wish it didn’t exist. I wish I had never laid eyes on Even, never spoke to him. Because I realize suddenly that my marriage is _over._ Everything I have built with Matt is done.

He knows it too.

“I gave up my book for you.” Matt says.

“I never asked you to.”

Matt wanted to travel the world and write a book about it; give advice about the best restaurants and cinemas, places to see and explore. He’d wanted to go to fifteen different countries and was in the process of booking flights after high school when my Mom had another episode. She had the worst breakdown ever and I hadn’t been able to cope.

We hadn’t been dating for that long and it shouldn’t have been Matt’s responsibility to look after me. I had told him to go on his adventure. I wanted him to do it.

But he stayed. He stayed and helped me through and he decided to go to university instead of traveling because he wanted to be closer to me.

 _“I can travel later. It’s not like those places are going anywhere.”_ He had said, kissing me deeply the day we moved into our first apartment; before first year university.

And we had gone to some of those countries, but only briefly. And Matt never took notes, never said anything else about the book until right this second. Nearly ten years later.

“I didn’t know you wanted to write the book still.” I say.

“I didn’t know I did either.” Matt laughs sadly, meeting my eyes again.

I’m not sure what’s happening now. I feel so stupid and tired and my headache is making me slightly dizzy. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep, wake to find all this a dream. And then I can go back to my life.

“I think I should go.” Matt whispers, running a hand over his face.

“You don’t have to, Matt. I’m sorry.” I cry, the tears that were bubbling up all night finally slipping down my cheeks. “I don’t understand _any_ of this.”

He walks towards me slowly, looking like he’s debating what to do. But as soon as he’s close to me he wraps me in his arms and shushes me, saying that it will be okay.

“ _How_ can this be okay?” I ask.

“I don’t know, Isak. But as much as it hurts…I still feel like we’ll be okay. Maybe we won’t be together, but…we’ll be okay.”

Not being with Matt. It’s something I never thought I’d have to comprehend. Matt has always been in my life, at least it feels that way. I never imagined I would have to tell him goodbye.

“We just got married.”

“I know.” He chuckles, the sound still sad. “Maybe that was a bad idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/feedback welcome and appreciated! :)
> 
> Next and final chapter will be in Even's POV.


	5. The Lily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Even's POV**

I don’t bother catching the tram that night. Instead, I walk home. It takes me nearly two hours but I barely feel it; the burn in my legs, how drenched I am from the rain that just won’t let up.

I don’t feel anything except my hands, where I touched Isak.

_Isak._

I didn’t expect him. I didn’t – _couldn’t -_ imagine what I would feel, this landslide of emotion that just won’t stop.

I can’t make it stop.

As much as my brain is screaming at me; tearing at me like claws. _He’s married. He’s married._ Somehow, it doesn’t matter. Somehow, I look past that.

Because deep down, I know I _love_ him.

I can practically hear Mikael laughing at me, saying how I always twist everything so life can be like the films I love. How I’m always looking for the Satine to my Christian. The Juliet to my Romeo. How, if I were able to, I’d speak in only Shakespearean sonnets.

I know it seems like that. I know it’s probably ridiculous. Isak thinks it’s ridiculous. He’d said as much at dinner, looking at me like I had two heads when I said love is something that is instant.

But then.

The balcony happened. Isak had confessed to me that he felt it too, and my heart had basically began singing. At that moment, I felt as high as I imagine Romeo did when Juliet called his name.

 _That took place on a balcony too_ , I remember; smiling to myself.

I open the door to the apartment I share with Mikael and see him lounging on the couch in his boxers, shoving chips into his mouth.

“Bro.” He mumbles around the food. “You’re getting our floor soaked.”

“Sorry.” I say, running as fast as I can to the bathroom where I strip and get into the shower; the hot water warming my clammy skin.

I have always been a sucker for things like love at first sight. Always. Maybe that’s a flaw and it’s gotten me into a lot of awkward relationships where I thought I had found ‘the one’; with just a look I had pictured a lot of people being my forever.

Mikael is the biggest example of this, but I try to block out my second year at Bakka where I went around thinking he was the greatest thing to exist. He reminds me of it a lot when I'm drunk though.

But nobody, not even my epic crush on Mikael, had ever felt like this. Like the way Isak makes me feel.

 _I’ve_ never felt like this. The spark. I literally never knew what that felt like until Isak’s wedding; when our eyes met. When he looked at me I just _knew._

And it was awful because he was walking down the aisle to marry someone who wasn’t me, and he’d looked away a second later; smiling at his husband to be like I didn’t exist. I felt the spark, but I figured he hadn’t. And wasn’t that just a cruel plot twist.

I found his ring for him at his reception, slid it on his finger as my stomach dropped. If only that had been real; that I was putting the ring on his ring finger because he was mine. But that had just reminded me how unlikely it would be that he ever would be mine.

I left that night feeling like utter crap; worse than one of my depressive episodes because for some reason it felt like I would never see him again.

But then today. _Today._ My heart had never beat faster. I had never felt more alive. Isak walked into my store with a shy blush on his face, smiling and stuttering and I had never in my life wanted to kiss someone more.

He was back, inviting me to dinner. And yes, it was with him and his husband but I figured it was a start. And I got to be in the same room with him again, close enough to touch. As much as it would suck, I had thought maybe friendship could be a good starting point for us. I cringed at the thought of only ever being Isak’s friend, but _baby steps._

As I made him the bouquet, I remembered his husband calling my store to arrange for the flowers for their wedding. He didn’t sound enthused about it. Matt had sounded annoyed that he had to organize flowers, but I figured he’d had a busy day or was just overall stressed.

But he’d made it clear about the kind of flowers he wanted.

_“Lilies, if you have those. My fiancé goes crazy over them. I don’t know why exactly because they’re meant for funerals, but if you could bring an insane amount of lilies I would be grateful.”_

I thought it funny at the time. Lilies weren’t a super common request for weddings, but then again I hadn’t done very many weddings before. I’d opened ‘Yellow Curtains’ only eight months ago, co-owned it with Sonja who was the bigger flower enthusiast than me at the time.

But as I’d spent my days in the shop, cutting flowers and arranging them, learning about their meanings, they genuinely started to interest me. One of the very first flowers I had learned the meaning of was in fact the lily.

“Even?” Mikael calls from the outside the bathroom door. I startle, realizing I’ve been standing under the water that is now almost cold day dreaming.

“Yeah?”

“Someone is here to see you.” He says. “His name is Isak.”

_Holy fuck._

I almost fall on my face as I jump out of the shower, throwing my clothes back on and trying to straighten my mop of hair. I’ve needed a haircut for five months.

“Tell him I’ll be right there!” I shout, putting some deodorant on; praying I look somewhat presentable.

By the time I walk back out into the living room, Mikael has already gotten Isak a drink and they’re sitting awkwardly on the couch together in silence.

Isak looks up at me and his face immediately colours as he stands up. “Uh, hey.” He practically whispers, biting his bottom lip.

“Isak, _hi.”_ I smile, feeling relieved. Which is weird because I literally saw him two hours ago. “Want to go to my room?”

“Sure.” Isak nods, grabbing his drink and walking towards me.

“You kids have fun.” Mikael smirks, winking at me. I roll my eyes at him and steer Isak towards my room.

Isak hesitates as I close the door behind us, obviously not knowing where to sit. My room isn’t super big and there’s really only the bed and a desk chair to pick from in terms of places to sit. I make the decision for him and sit on my bed, motioning for him to sit beside me.

He does and then won’t meet my eye, suddenly fascinated by the floor.

“Mikael seems nice.” He comments.

I nod. “Yeah. Sucks that I still live with a roommate at nearly thirty, but oh well.”

_I hadn’t met the love of my life yet. Not until a week ago._

Isak closes his eyes and I can see him practically hyperventilating now. I know he’s nervous and so am I. He’s probably also feeling guilty because of Matt, and I don’t blame him. But I also don’t stop myself from reaching over again and taking his hands.

“Why are you here, Isak?” I ask calmly.

Finally he looks at me properly and I can tell immediately that he’s been crying. His eyes are swollen, his cheeks puffy too and my heart breaks a little.

“I think…my marriage is over.”

I blink stupidly for a few seconds, too stunned to speak. They got married…a week ago. _One week._ Matt had his hands all over Isak hours ago, the love between them obvious – their _history._

I suddenly feel like a complete fucking asshole. Somehow I just know that this has everything to do with me. I’m the reason a marriage is over.

“What?” I gasp, already knowing the answer to my question.

“He left. He packed a bag and… _left._ But, we’re okay.” Isak frowns like he didn’t know the story yet himself, didn’t understand it. “We aren’t together anymore, and I think…I think we’re both okay with it.”

“But…you two…I don’t…” I can’t be articulate right now at all.

Isak turns to me, squeezing my hands before he pulls them towards his face, motioning for me to touch him. Of course I do because I can’t think of anything better in the world to feel, but my mind is still reeling.

“You said you feel it.” He says simply. “Right?”

The only thing I can do is nod.

“Okay. Then…then _yes._ Matt and I aren’t together, but I know that’s right. It’s the right thing to happen.” Isak nods, licking his lips as he stares at mine. So, _of course,_ I stare back at his because they’re the most perfect lips I’ve ever seen. “You feel it too, and Matt is going to write a book.”

I frown, still looking at Isak’s lips. “Um, a book?”

“Yes. A book.”

Isak’s moving towards me now, his intentions really fucking clear and my heart is pounding in anticipation. But as soon as he’s close enough, basically already kissing me, I begin speaking because for some reason he has to _know_.

“Isak…” I whisper, nudging his nose with my own.

“ _Even,_ come on. You have to kiss me now.” Isak whines, the sound high and adorable.

“The lily,” I state, knowing I don’t make sense yet.

He pulls back a little, eyes wide. “ _What?”_

“I know you like lilies. I picked them out for you last week, wondering why lilies are so often associated with funerals.” I continue, flushing in embarrassment. _Why am I talking about fucking lilies when I could be making out with this beautiful man?_

“Even…what…”

“Flowers all have meanings. That’s why certain flowers are bought for different occasions. But, lilies have a meaning that doesn’t work with funerals. It works more with…with…” I’m stammering and I hate it but Isak is looking into my eyes so deeply, with so much concentration. “With things like _us._ This force between us. Because the lily means…”

I grab Isak’s hair and bring him towards me, kissing him with passion but softly, our mouths fitting together seamlessly; move as one and before long we’re both moaning, gravitating closer.

He’s grabbing onto my shirt, twisting it in his fist and I can’t breathe; I _can’t._

But then I can.

“The lily means _I dare you to love me.”_

**

One year later, Isak more than dares to love me.

He marries me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I had a lot of fun with this :)

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi  
> [here](http://photographer-of-thoughts.tumblr.com/)  
> <3


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